Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
