yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
