i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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