Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
