You're completely useless in the revolution.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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