i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
