i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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