I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
