Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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