I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
NoShamevember. You game?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
