So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
