i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
