My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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