I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
