I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize