Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
