omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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