Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
