Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
