i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
