Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
