u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
