he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
