Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
