Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
