I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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