So drunk its hurt
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
