ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
