So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
