at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
