well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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