I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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