I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
