dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize