Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
