wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
