absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
