I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
