Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize