There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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