he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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