i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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