yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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