drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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