Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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