thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
