We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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