My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
