mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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