are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
