Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
