Sober January is a disaster.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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