Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
