So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
