Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
