Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize