Dual....:-)
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
