just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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