Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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