We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize