Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
