im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
