i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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