I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
