there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize