Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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