Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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