Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
