he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just found puke in my bra..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
