My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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