Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
