Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
