is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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