if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
COCAINE IS GR8
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
