I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
