She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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