Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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