Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
