I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
