half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
