Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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