woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
