don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
