i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
