Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i will never coherently bang her
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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