hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize