dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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