I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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