I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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