I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
