If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
