Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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