Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
