Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
