Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
