i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
