Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
