I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just google imaged poop.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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