i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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